Name: Steve Mensing
Topic: Mirika: Down with Self-Esteem, up with unconditional self-acceptance
Sent: 09.50 - 4/26 2001
Mirika:

We traveled over a similar trail some time back, but I suspect we've got a few new things to add this time around.

Mirika asks:

What are some strategies for overcoming bad self-images? Do you experience that a bad self-image can be overcome?

Mirika Yes a bad-self image can be overcome. I've seen that happen many, many times. It can be brought about in a number of ways: (1) Clearing those Personality Clusters/identities. (2) Accept ourselves or love ourselves irregardless of whether we do postive or negative things. We always have that choice not to knock ourselves when we invariably make errors. (3) Operate from beliefs based on the direct experience of a larger self. (4) Take actions in our lives that create positive experiences of success, yet not rate our selves by them. Focus on the vital and absorbing activity of doing. Soaking up the endorphins on the way.

Self-images are entrancing beliefs. Bad self-images fall into this category because they twist our perceptions in a way that distort how we see this self.
They show us only a negative picture and engender negative feelings and pictures of negative possibilities. Bad self-images are grist for the clearing mill. They are illusions like even positive self-images, but the negative self-images make life feel lousey and our possibilities appear poor. Bad self-images run anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame. These are those distorted images that make us appear bad, worthless, foolish, dumb etc. They predict and help create poor outcomes and block motivation.

I promote the way of UNOCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE and SELF-LOVE and am 4 square against self-esteem with its destructive self-rating system.

In Unconditional Self-acceptance and Self-love we can always choose to accept ourselves, love our selves, and treat ourselves in a loving and compassionate manner. No matter how great, average, or how crummy our performances are.

It is a waste of time to put ourselves down for our human fallibility. We can choose not to as we become clearer and clearer.

We can motivate ourselves with the positive experience of being absorbed in the moment and not by fearing a negative self-rating. The negative-self rating will always create a negative trance identity that will self-perpetuate itself. If you believe you're bad--how do you think you will act? How will the present, past, and future appear to you.

Any form of self-rating will help spawn and reinforce trance identities or Personality Clusters.

I'm not asking anyone to make the Olympian leap to "no-self" That takes work and a choice. It may not be available to people who fail to explore at the water's edge. Self-rating is not very available from that position. Self-acceptance and self-love and compassion, acceptance, and love naturally flow from that experience.

We can however clear our negative trance identities and learn to accept and love ourselves no matter what.
There is no universal law that says we can't. We make the choices unless we are run by some trances that mitagate against this experience.

All self-attacks are based on distortion. When we label ourselves a fool or worthless we are seeing only one of our qualities and traits. We have litterally millions if not billions of traits and behaviors. It is arbitrary and self-defeating to knock ourselves by our mistakes. But a trance identity will make it appear to our highly constricted view that we are this one trait or behavior and that is all we are. Absurd!
We have many, many positive, neutral, and negative traits and behaviors. Why would we choose just one or a few to view ourselves by?

We do have a choice. To accept and to love or to up and down by some completely arbitrary standard.

I have signed a pact with myself to accept, love, and treat myself compassionately no matter what. It's easier. I enjoy the vital absorbtion of the moment--the flow. I don't bother with upping myself or downing myself. Many times my smaller self is not even present when I am pulled into the heart of the moment. Trance Identities and Personality Clusters will pull us out of the moment with their dire needs to stay on the conveyer belt of self-esteem and its silly call for proving a self (a belief) and either patting it on the head or kicking it in the groin. There is a better way. I subscribe to the gospel of UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE and SELF-LOVE. Available at any moment. Free. Automatic grace. Goes with the turf of being cleared of negative self-images.

Here are three Personality Clusters to be cleared:

INFERIORITY/SHAME: This cluster leaves us feeling defective, inferior, no good, and undesirable. With this cluster we are sensitive to criticism and rejection and are shamed by our appearance and flaws. Beliefs are:

* Who would love me if they noticed my flaws?
* I've got tons wrong with me.
* How could anyone love me.
* They would leave me if they knew the real me.
* I'm unsuitable and unloveable.
* I'm drawn to others who are critical of me or reject me.
* Nothing I can do will help me gain the love I want from others.
* It's my fault that others don't accept or love me.
* I must prove my worth.
* I've got to hide myself from others who get close.
* I don't want anyone to see the real me.
* I feel like a fake when others appear to like me.
* No matter what I do, I still feel unacceptable and unloved.

FAILURE: This cluster provides us with a sense that we will fail at everything we try because we are dull, inept, unskilled, or untalented. Beliefs are:

* I can't perform as well as others.
* I'm a failure.
* I'm no good at anything so why bother.
* Whatever I do is doomed.
* Others are more capable than I am.
* If I failed once I will always fail.
* I lack the talent and skills that other people have.
* My failures haunt me--Why would I want to go through failure again.
* I'm born under a bad sign.
* Others are so much more successful than I.
* Trying only leads to humilation.

UNDESIRABLE: This cluster points to being unwanted due to physical appearance or lack of social skills. Beliefs are:

* I'm fat and unacceptable or unloveable.
* I'm skinny and unacceptable and unloveable.
* I'm ugly--I'm boring--I make dull conversation and am unacceptable and unloveable.
* People won't hang out with me because of my race, low status, poor income, education, or lack of social skills.
* I can't say the right things--I feel so out of it.
* Others don't want me in their circles.
* I feel very self-conscious around others.
* I start talking to people and they immediately excuse themselves.

The above beliefs and their attendent feelings can be targets for clearing.

People tend to create these crummy and self-defeating images in the following contexts:

* You were treated in a critical, downing, and punishing way in your family of origin.

* You were frequenlty blamed when things went wrong by parents or siblings.

* Early teachers put you down for your behavior and school activity. They focused negatively on you and not your actions.

* You were told you were no good, sick, or worthless on an ongoing basis by an important other.

* You drew negative comparisons with siblings.

* You were blamed for one of your parents abandoning the home.

* You were phyiscally abused.

* You were emotionally abandoned by your parents.

There's much more to add to this very important picture.

Take care, Steve